(It’s time we get back to our book summary from Getting to Yes, 3rd edition. The introduction to the book and chapter one summary appear in previous blogs in this Resources section.)
Negotiators all share a huge common drawback when it comes to negotiating – we are people. And as people, we get filled with emotion and irrational thoughts when we are trying to make a deal – whether that’s at home, our local car dealership, or during union-company collective bargaining.
We will disagree on the other side’s position or perception of reality. But instead of just focusing on the problem involved, we naturally start to label the people we are dealing with as the problem. The people and the problem are merged into one conjoined enemy. Think identity politics if you need an example of this.
The authors write on page 21 that, “…people get angry, depressed, fearful, hostile, frustrated and offended. They have egos that are easily threatened. They see the world from their own personal vantage point, and they frequently confuse their perceptions with reality.”
That’s why the authors in chapter 2 stress that negotiators must, “Separate the people from the problem.” Somehow, we need to be able work hard on our problems together, yet be easy on the people involved.
That is easier said than done. But the human aspect of negotiation can be successfully managed if we openly acknowledge its importance and create a framework where mutual trust, respect, communication, transparency, interest-focus, and cooperation are built up and nurtured over time.
Positional bargaining – the traditional format we are most accustomed to with our CBAs – aggravates our people problem. We become identified with our positions and proposals and hesitate to give in. It becomes a test of wills with zero-sum, “win-lose” implications. In the end, nobody gets what they wanted or gets their interests fully satisfied. It is exhausting and relationship-killing.
So what do we do?
First of all, we acknowledge before we begin substantive bargaining, openly and transparently, that we have two separate yet entwined things to manage – the substantive issues based on interests (not positions) and the people issues. Then through discussion and creation of ground rules we structure our negotiations so that we give proper attention to each.
The authors list three basic categories that we must manage as we tackle our job of being easy on the people: perception, emotion and communication. Our people problems will fit into one of these buckets.
Perception.
As useful as facts may seem, it is each party’s perceptions that drive a negotiation. What we see, and what they see, becomes the problem. How do we understand what “they” see?
We put ourselves in their shoes. The ability to really see and feel problems as they are viewed on the other side of the table with empathy is a crucial skill for a negotiator.
To quote Dr. Stephen R. Covey from his Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, we must learn to, “Seek first to understand, then to be understood.”
When I started representing management in labor relations, I was invited by our largest local union to attend their annual five-state district “progress meeting.” I almost declined their invitation. After all, this was a political and business meeting for hundreds of union leaders from the international union president to local union business managers and stewards. I would really feel like an outsider. I wondered if I was just wasting mine – and my company’s – time.
But I attended. And as I sat quietly with several hundred union representatives, I could hear and feel the passion in the voices and body language of the union leaders as they planned their year, discussed their organizing efforts, extolled the virtues of unionization, faced their challenges across their union.
We golfed together at a sponsored outing. I got to really know some of our local union representatives – learned about their families, dogs and cats, hobbies, likes and dislikes.
Did I agree with the union rhetoric in the meeting? Mostly, I did not. My perceptions from the management side were still very different.
But I could feel where they were coming from. I listened to them – I didn’t just sit there trying to formulate some sort of rebuttal. I took it all in. The sincerity and bonds of the people in the room were palpable and undeniable. And I must confess that I could find myself seeing some things a little differently – with some credibility for certain parts of their union platform, and certainly more respect and higher regard for the people.
Chapter 2 asks us to avoid some common psychological traps as we work together to be hard on the problems and soft on the people:
1) Don’t deduce their intentions from your fears. We often assume what we fear is what the other side intends to do. Don’t make assumptions.
2) Don’t blame them for your problem. When we are blamed, we get defensive and entangle the people in the problem.
3) Discuss each other’s perceptions. Have open, empathetic discussions about perceptions.
4) Look for opportunities to act inconsistently with their perceptions. For example, we rarely upheld the union’s grievances and union leaders and employees formed a perception that we just summarily denied their complaints. The rare cases where we could say, “Your grievance is upheld – it has merit,’ were important to show that we intended to “do right voluntarily” when the union found a CBA violation.
5) Give them a stake in the outcome by making sure they participate in the process. Try to avoid “having the whole thing worked out” and then taking it to the union or employees for approval. When possible, approach the union or company early when things are merely conceptual and work together toward a mutual-gains solution.
6) Face-saving: Make your proposals consistent with their values. I witnessed a collective bargaining session where the union was in an impossible situation where it would have been political suicide to agree to a company proposal, even though union leaders knew the proposal was an economic necessity for the company. Their members would have revolted against union leadership. So rather than get to that point, the parties used a third-party mediator to make suggestions that turned out to meet the core interests of both the company and the union.
The remainder of Chapter 2 advises on ways to manage emotions, enhance communication and prevent problems by proactively building strong, trusting relationships before problems crop up.
Chapter 2 of Getting to Yes may be the most informative and potentially impactful chapter of the entire book. I can’t do it justice in this blog. Please dive into Chapter 2 – even if your time to read is limited – and you will not regret it.
MARC training gets at the heart of these principles, as well as providing an incredible operating manual for lifetime reference as supervisors and managers navigate the difficult paths that lead their people.
Reach out to MARC for all of your training and labor relations needs.
Call us: 812-232-1990
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